[Theresa Delbi, adoptive mother]
I wanted to share a little of my own insight regarding the use of the word “RETARD”. Here goes....
My son is retarded. Yes, it’s actually a word that is commonly used for people with cognitive disabilities. My son was born with brain damage. He can’t help being retarded. He will need my help his whole life. He’s 18 and can’t make his own meals, tie his own shoes, he has no awareness of danger, he reads at a first grade level, he cannot write. He will probably never marry, have a child, drive a car, or accept a diploma. That’s what “retarded” looks like in real life. As his mom, I advocate on every level for him and sometimes in my quiet moments, it’s heart-breaking and still devastating to know that most of his life will continue to be filled with obstacles and opposition.
We live in a world where my son is stared at, or we are talked to like we’ve done something strangely unheard of by being his parents. I hear all about how “normal” he seems when people haven’t seen him tantrum and throw a chair at my face. I also hear all about how disruptive he is and how we should keep him at home. But here’s that word “retarded” that lingers around. There’s also comments like “short bus”, “window lickers” and yes, you’re referring to my son and the other people that live without equality, or access. Those people who struggle with everything they do and the same ones that have families who are tired, weary, and meeting constant opposition.
If I was black, it would be comparable to someone using the “N” word at me. If I were gay, it would be like someone saying how “gay” something is. To me, when people use the “R” word, they’re referring to how stupid they think something is. It’s not only stupid, it’s the next level of stupid. My son is actually retarded but he’s not stupid and if you use that word to describe the things you think are stupid, please stop. My son breaks the glass ceiling every day and he exhibits an unwavering strength and wonder that most ordinary people can never possibly understand. So the next time you want to say how “retarded” something is, think about the person that IS retarded and the strength and brilliance that comes with a lifelong diagnosis where you’ll constantly live with the idea of changing minds, changing hearts, and educating people that you are worthy of respect, love, compassion, and kudos every now and then.
This is Jacob, he is retarded. He is also brilliant, loving, and would take the shirt off his back if you needed it. Please show a little kindness and instead of insulting, give some props. I guarantee if you stopped to get to know him, he’d teach you a thing or two. While you’re at it, give a fist bump to the family that’s close behind. We can use a little encouragement too. It ain’t easy being a mom to a retard.
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PS. If you aren’t disabled and you have a dog, please don’t try and pass them off as a service dog so you can benefit from the ADA. Many people need legitimate service dogs in order to gain access to the community that you freely enjoy without support. Service dogs provide a specific function for people with disabilities. They are not house pets that provide emotional support and NO, your BS registry is a gimmick and doesn’t actually make your untrained pet a service dog.
